Established Fact: The Greatest Threat To Christianity is Witches

From Death and Taxes
By Colleen Stufflebeem

I guess this has something to do with Wiccans?


“If there is one constant threat to Christianity, it’s witches.” I wanted that to be my opening line, but writer Dan Evon of the IndyPosted said it first, and he said it with actual conviction.

But Evon is not alone in his …poignant assessment of threats to Christianity. The Catholic Church is so unsettled by witches and Wiccans that they’ve created a pamphlet on how to dissuade them called “Wicca and Witchcraft: Understanding the Dangers.”

This comes as an incredibly late response to the terror threat Harry Potter imposed, but seems to be more so addressing the horrors of common witch practice: eco-activism and feminism.

The booklet urges wholesome Christian folk to approach witches in bars and coffee shops with conversation they couldn’t possibly resist: The environment and being a righteous woman—characteristics only the Catholic Church and the Republican party would equate with being evil.

The author of the book, Elizabeth Dodd is a former Wiccan who says that, “70% of practicing witches and Wiccans are young women seeking spirituality,” according to Evon.

Dodd encourages redirecting the misguided heretics towards Christianity by baiting them with their own interests. She says, “The use of magic, the practice of witchcraft, offends God because it is rooted in our sinful and fallen nature. It attempts to usurps God.”

What’s interesting is that in all of the book’s reviews the main response is something along the lines of “at least they’re not burning them alive anymore.” This seems like a small insinuation that this pamphlet’s objective might be slightly askew from societal norms in handling people of different beliefs.

A.k.a., chill the fuck out, Catholic Church.

The booklet likens witches lurking around in popular hangouts to the nuisance and frequency of stray cats, so if this is a problem for you, you can buy the book from the Christian Truth Society for $3.12 or you can surround yourself in a small circle of salt and act like you’re 6 years old again.